trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize