census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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