right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
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Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
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I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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