We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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