I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize