Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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