I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
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You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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