I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Vodka?
Forever.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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