I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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