Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
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I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
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Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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