Texts From Last Night

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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole

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  (615): my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole http://tfl.nu/xvf4
  Replies (35) Good night (886) Bad night (1450) Order T-Shirt
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Are you guys doing anything tonight?

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Krysta

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  (816): Are you guys doing anything tonight? (859): Krysta http://tfl.nu/28qy
  Replies (9) Good night (1887) Bad night (434)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't

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  (253): she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't http://tfl.nu/jem5
  Replies (5) Good night (2198) Bad night (503) Order T-Shirt
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?

  (269): View more from Michigan

  Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.

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  (757): If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans? (269): Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass. http://tfl.nu/u35z
  Replies (13) Good night (2273) Bad night (563)
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  (914): View more from New York

  omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch

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  (914): omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch http://tfl.nu/rn4k
  Replies (26) Good night (530) Bad night (6792) Order T-Shirt
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  (281): View more from Texas

  After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.

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  (281): After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses. http://tfl.nu/xdpj
  Replies (23) Good night (4993) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!

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  (503): i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly! http://tfl.nu/tm2j
  Replies (63) Good night (7978) Bad night (3126)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.

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  (303): It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic. http://tfl.nu/yvsq
  Replies (28) Good night (2211) Bad night (4547) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.

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  (205): I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers. http://tfl.nu/jlqp
  Replies (21) Good night (6897) Bad night (1212)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.

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  (952): I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing. http://tfl.nu/jvox
  Replies (25) Good night (1541) Bad night (3440) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...

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  (205): It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march... http://tfl.nu/a1hh
  Replies (11) Good night (624) Bad night (1068) Order T-Shirt
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell

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  (217): She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell http://tfl.nu/6kpc
  Replies (6) Good night (487) Bad night (1280) Order T-Shirt
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess

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  (908): I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess http://tfl.nu/xjsr
  Replies (3) Good night (2124) Bad night (428) Order T-Shirt
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.

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  (970): I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation. http://tfl.nu/iw3q
  Replies (6) Good night (1758) Bad night (400)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years

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  (262): All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years http://tfl.nu/lv0h
  Replies (1) Good night (649) Bad night (418) Order T-Shirt

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