Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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