the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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