He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize