kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
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I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
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But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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