remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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