my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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