So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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