So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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