forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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