I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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