she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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