he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
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I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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