I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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