He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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