wakey wakey hands off snakey
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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