How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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