I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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