Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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