I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
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I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
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When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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