Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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