AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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