i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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