So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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