just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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