well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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