I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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