I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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