And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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