You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize