just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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