pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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