Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
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I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
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Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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