Pappa wants mamma naked
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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