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I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
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