By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
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I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Found your dick twin last night
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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