Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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