Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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