Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The air was thick with penises
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize