Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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